and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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