I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
