he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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