I just made out with a guy for $7.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's official drugs can't kill me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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