You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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