I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
