I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
