My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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