Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
