Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
