Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
