he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Michael Bay diarrhea
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
