sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
