god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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