I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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