Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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