You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
