Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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