My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
