he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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