He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize