I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
