i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
