Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
