she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
a search helicopter?!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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