I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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