I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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