Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
