hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
