at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
