I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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