I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
