I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
