he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
