Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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