and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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