i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im holly from the hills drunk
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
