Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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