It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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