He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
