Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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