Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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