she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
