She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize