I want to have your abortion
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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