The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize