I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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