He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
