were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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