He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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