I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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