She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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