We named our party play list daddy issues
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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