oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
