I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
please come you make the beer taste better
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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