You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
