I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
