i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My vagina is officially offended.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
