I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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