i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize