just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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