even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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