I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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