My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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