Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
