I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
