today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
this is an emotional support booty call
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
