his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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