Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
handjob tips. give me some.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
