just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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