I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
