You're completely useless in the revolution.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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