I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
