i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
