Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You need a sexual gate keeper
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize