if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
