I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
