how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
