honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize