So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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