By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
