i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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