I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
