dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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