You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
