You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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