Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
