His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
