Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
