tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
