did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
