New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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