theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
