you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
