he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
