So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
