I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We are two peas in an std pod
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
