you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
