your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
