he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
