I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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