then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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