so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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