I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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