when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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