I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
