Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
