i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
