He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
