I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
