But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
